I was working for Schneider National and was taking a load from Aberfoyle, On, to probably Chicago, I think. I arrived at the Port Huron, Mi. border and got pulled into secondary inspection, which means they are going to search your truck. I was not too worried. I had nothing to hide. I thought.
I went into the building and filled out the necessary declaration form claiming I had nothing with me that was illegal to cross the border with. Including citrus fruit. Citrus is the devil. I signed the paper and waited impatiently for them to get the search over with. They returned, one officer holding a small yellow citrus fruit between two latex-gloved fingers. My heart sank. I forgot I had that. May as well shoot me now. The CBP officer was not impressed.
CBP: What is THIS?
LIZZY: (meekly) It’s a tangelo.
CBP: It is citrus. You cannot bring citrus across the border. You signed a paper saying you had none.
LIZZY: I know. I forgot. I’m sorry.
CBP: You have TWO options.
LIZZY: What are they?
CBP: Either you can take this tangelo back to Canada right now OR…….
Not a bad idea. I could probably lob it back to Canada from where I’m standing. Would that save me a fine?
CBP: (dramatically) I can have it INCINERATED.
LIZZY: (gulping) Um, whatever makes you happy, just do that with it, I guess.
And he marched away to execute the criminal fruit in a horrific and barbaric manner. I have never figured out why one little fruit needed to cause grown men to go to such drastic measures. But then, who am I to question Border Guards on power trips?
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