Sunday, November 7, 2010

Worse to.....?

After Brian's surgery, Things were calming down. Davey became really distant with me, and it bothered me a lot, but he wouldn't really explain why, and although it left an empty unsettled spot in my heart, I tried to give him his space because I knew he had a lot of weight on his shoulders lately in his own life, and I had just added to it with my accident, stress in my life and being a bit demanding about the whole wedding thing. So I told him if he needed to talk, I was here. But I missed him more than ever.
As Snoogie and I were driving home one night, my pickup truck started making a loud humming noise from the rear end. I took it to my parent's mechanic the next day, who told me that it had blown a seal in the differential, and all the oil had leaked out, and what was left had burned up, and stuff was breaking. He said it would be $2200 to replace it with a junkyard part. I couldn't believe my streak of bad luck was not over. I texted Davey about it, and he said to call him right away.
"That is ridiculous!", he said. "Someone is trying to rip you off! Let me make a couple calls and get back to you."
So he did, and told me I should try to get it rebuilt with new parts instead of junkyard ones, and that I was not to pay that much. I had told Ninja about it too, and he was able to put me in touch with a friend of his that does rebuilds for off-roaders, so I took my truck to him and dropped it off. It ended up costing me substantially less, and all the parts were new. And now I have a new mechanic that is totally awesome.
About a week after this, Brian got hyper and jumped sideways. His leg bent out away from his body and stayed there. I felt ill. I tucked him into bed and called Davey crying. "I think I am going to have to consider putting him down. I am not an endless well of money. I don't know what to do."
Davey told me not to panic till I figured out what was really going on, and tried to make me feel better. On the way back to the surgeon, my ex, Mr.P, called. I broke down sobbing and told him everything.
"Aww, there, there..." He tried to soothe me. "Don't freak out yet. You are not going to have to put him down. He is your baby. Look, if worst comes to worst, I will give you my vacation pay so you can have the surgery redone. You don't have to pay me back. Just let me know if you need it."
Ninja also asked me how much I would be short and if I needed some help, and in spite of my stress, I was very relieved to be surrounded by extraordinary friends who would give so much for me. In spite of my bad luck, I am a lucky girl indeed.
As it turned out, the metal plate in Brian's leg had bent due to some type of manufacturer's defect, and the surgeon said I would owe nothing for now, and he would try to bill everything back to the manufacturer. So Brian had his second surgery and is currently still in a cast with a stronger metal plate in his leg.
On a side note, as if the month could not get get any worse, Davey has said we need to go back to being just friends for now, as life situations and me are too much to cope with right now, but that he will never stop loving me. I am confused as hell. It is more painful than anything else that has gone wrong to date, and every time I want to lose control emotionally, I remind myself to be strong and let things be as they will. He has still called me pet names occasionally, and once let slip the "I love you", but he barely keeps in touch anymore and I am afraid I am losing him. He acts like he cares a little, but I can't tell what is going on. I am just trying to honour his wishes while still being here for him. It feels like it's killing me.

Bad to Worse

I saw Davey about a week later. He drove most of the way, and I met him in Detroit, at Churfy's. He was incredibly sweet, and just held me and wouldn't let go. He did everything for me, including cutting my food and driving, as I was still in a cast. I have never felt so much love and appreciation for a boyfriend as I did then, realizing that he was focused solely on caring for me, and giving me all the love and attention I could ever hope for. He was and is, simply amazing in my eyes.
I returned home, and Spaz and D-prime asked me if my chihuahua, Brian, whom is the apple of D-prime's eye, could carry the rings down the aisle at their wedding. Of course he could, so a tuxedo and ring pillow was ordered.
Three days later, I went outside to bring Brian in, but when I called him, there was no response. I started looking for him, and eventually heard a rustle under the deck. He was there, shaking and terrified. He had broken his leg. I rushed him to an emergency clinic where I found out he had also dislocated his hip and bruised his liver. I left him at the vet's that night, and returned to take him in for surgery the next day. The surgery was going to be $2500 and I had already been off work three weeks. I was stressed.
Again, Davey called me and soothed me, saying that I would be back to work soon, he knew I could handle it, and to just take a deep breath and tomorrow is a new day. He reminded me that it was not time to panic yet, as I had enough to cover this emergency. He was right, as he often is.
But Brian lost his job as ring bearer as he ended up with a metal plate in his leg and was not hardly walking at the time of the wedding.
I begged Davey one last time to come to the wedding with me, but he said, "Baby, I'm sorry. I just can't be there."
"Fine," I said, "I'll take Ninja."
"Honey, whatever makes you happy. If you want to take Ninja, take him." But he said it with that disapproving note in his voice, and I felt bad for being a little mean.
"No, I'll go alone," I answered. "I don't want to disrespect you in any way."
"Whatever. Do what you want. It's not like it'll bother me, after all."
I knew I had hit a sore spot and tried to apologize, but he wouldn't answer me.

The Aftermath

I ended up spending two days in the hospital, and having two metal plates and six pins put in my wrist, which was stapled and stitched up, leaving me with a couple sizeable scars. But, hey, at least they aren't on my face. That would have been worse. I ended up on some pretty powerful pain killers and in a cast for my return to my parents place, where it was agreed I would spend my recovery so I would have help and not be alone. I had to go to physiotherapy three times a week, and had had a bad concussion as well.
As soon as I was coherent, I had a call from Davey. "Baby, I was so worried! Are you ok? I got a message from your brother saying you had been in a bad accident, and he didn't say what kind of accident, or how badly you were hurt. I was going crazy till I got ahold of your mother! Honey, I want to be there so bad. This is so hard for me. I hate this. I'm too far away. I want to be there to look after you and baby you."
A tear fell. "I miss you so much," I said. "I really need you right now. I want your arms around me."
"Baby, don't cry. We'll figure something out. I'm here for you. I love you like crazy. You just try to relax and get all healed up, and get lots of sleep, darling. Don't worry about anything. I'll see you before too long."
I was crying a fair bit by this point. He just stayed on the phone and kept telling me how much I meant to him, and that everything would be ok, until I calmed down. "We can deal with this, baby. It just seems big right now. I'll keep checking up on you. Get some rest, love."
I hung up and fell asleep, but woke a lot due to pain. The next morning I dealt with all the messages on my phone. One was from Kristi, saying "I heard something happened. Call me asap, woman.", and one from Ninja, saying "Are you ok? What the hell happened?!" I was busy answering people for a while.
D-prime and Spaz's wedding was coming up on the 10th of October, so I was hoping my cast would be off by then, and it was. I went on temporary disability and had some time off from work until such time as my surgeon approved me to go back. I went to physio faithfully, but healing was a slow process.

The Accident

Sunday morning I hopped on my motorcycle, and headed back to Cambridge. About half an hour from my parent's house, a light mist of rain began to coat my windshield and my helmet visor. "Crap, I'm gonna get wet on the way home," I thought, as I hit the brakes to slow for an approaching bend.
I woke up groggily in a hospital bed, wearing a hospital gown. All my clothes had been cut off, and my arm was laying on pillows beside me, looking strangely twisted, and very painful. I began to make out people in the room. The first was my Mother. "Mumsy, where is my bike?!", I said in a panic.
MUMSY: Honey, you have other things to worry about right now. You crashed the bike.
LIZZY: (nearly frantic) Is it ok?!
MUMSY: No, dear. It's totalled.
LIZZY: Oh no. (with a slight smile) Guess that means I'll have to go bike shopping again.
EMILY (my cousin): Wow, those must be some good drugs they've got you on.
LIZZY: Did someone call Kelly? I need to tell her I can't make it for tomorrow. We'll have to put work off for a day or two.
MUMSY: A day or two??!! I think it's a little more serious than that. You are about to go in for surgery. I don't think you need to be calling work at this moment.
LIZZY: My hand is completely numb. That's so odd. I can't even feel it.
MUMSY: Nurse! She can't feel her hand! Didn't you tell us to watch for that?
A nurse and a doctor rushed over at this point and moved my arm onto a board. I was only half with it I was so drugged. "Quick," they said, "We've got to straighten it before there is permanent damage!" And the nurse pinned my arm down while the doctor pulled it to straighten it. No drugs could dull that pain. I yelled, then relaxed, breathing heavy.
LIZZY: (whimpering) Where is Davey?
MUMSY: Snoogie (my brother), called him and left a message on his machine. D-Prime and Spaz went to Cambridge to get your pickup truck and chihuahuas. They will be back tonight. And your phone is going crazy but I don't think you should have it right now. Oh, and it's time for your surgery. See you after, honey.


A lot has occurred in my life, including one event that makes it very hard to type. But I will slowly get there.
I had my first student in August. Her name was Kelly. She was an awesome lady, and we got along even better than I had anticipated. She was an ideal student, very focused and intent on learning everything possible. She was intending to join her husband on the road and team drive. She even let me take time out to meet up with Davey, who I was falling more and more in love with, although he always claimed he was more committed and in love than I was, and she insisted on calling him my 'husband' as she said 'boyfriend' did not seem serious enough a term to cover our love and commitment to each other. It was odd, but sweet of her, and Davey liked her very much as well. Everything was going well, but this was all before everything started to fall apart around me.
With the weekend approaching, Kelly and I decided to take a few days off and meet up on Monday to go back to work. I was in great spirits, and rode my motorcycle up to my parents place on Saturday to visit. It was a lovely ride, and the weather was amazing. I woke Sunday, sent a message to Kelly to remind her what time to meet me Monday morning, and put on my riding gear and backpack to head out.

Thursday, August 12, 2010

It's Really More Difficult Than It Looks....Or Not.

I am at the company yard, just about to catch a few hours rest before heading out to New Brunswick at midnight tonight. I've had a very busy day, as I worked from 4am to 1pm and am squeezing in a ten hour break so I can head out at 11pm to my pick up. I was supposed to be sleeping this afternoon, but instead was feeling all ambitious and capable, so I went out and bought a microwave, a new (bigger) power inverter, and extension cords and proceeded to install the works all by my little self, into my transport truck. I even hid all the wiring and cords behind cupboards and under flooring so it would look perfect. No half-ass job here. Unfortunately, it came at the expense of my sleep, but as easy as the job was, feeling proud of myself is making up for it at the moment. And yes, I tested out the microwave, as I tend to question my dubious skills. And it worked! Of course I had to brag to Davey so I could get that all important pat on the back, and he obliged, as he always does.
I also was notified today that I will be getting my first student this coming week, which I'm finding I am really looking forward to and am already cleaning out my truck so she will have room for her things, as my truck is always bursting at the seams, with more useless things than I know what to do with. I constantly find things in here I never even knew I had. It's like Christmas.
Churfy got accepted to College in Detroit, for Large Animal Veterinary, which I am very happy and proud of, especially since it gives her something positive to focus on in the wake of her boyfriend's unfortunate mental meltdown, which I will probably write the next post about.
Davey and I are still going strong although we haven't seen each other in two and a half weeks, and I really miss him terribly. We have spent most of the last 3 days on the phone just talking non stop like we always do, and I always feel better when I hear his voice, but I wish he wasn't so far away. He always talks like I am his future, which I love and find adorable. He'll make comments about what we will be like when we are old, and tells me that if he can, he wants to keep me forever, so even if we are far away and it's hard right now, it will be worth it in the long run. And I like when he talks like that. I love him more all the time, and he has amazed me with how much care and love and support he gives me, and how he will put my feelings, needs and comfort before his own. I've never had someone who would do that for me. We are very quickly becoming best friends and I feel comfortable and safe talking to him, and confident that he will keep any secrets I tell him. I am keeping my fingers crossed that taking a chance, and breaking out of my comfort zone and loving someone will pay off, because I am crazy about him, and hope that he will stay, and keep me.

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Love Is InThe Air

It has been over a week since I wrote anything, so I will give a quick update.
I still have had no students, and am wondering when they will start to arrive, but it hasn’t bothered me as I rather like my peace and quiet, free of responsibility.
Last week I dropped my motorcycle for the second time. It was very frustrating. I’ve had it four years and never dropped it, and now I’ve done it twice in two weeks. This time I jumped clear, so instead of crushing my foot, it broke the left side mirror off, and the body was damaged much worse than the first time. Once again, back to Kristi and Russ’s shop, where it still is, waiting for me to pick it up, while barely avoiding Kristi’s happy trigger finger on the spray paint gun as she begs me to let her paint it all pink. Cause that’s just what I need. The only pink Interceptor in the city. The cops will never recognize me.
Davey and I had a heartfelt talk recently, in which I admitted that I while I couldn’t guarantee the depth of my love, I had indeed fallen in love with him much quicker than I ever thought possible, dispelling my concerns that I was broken emotionally and unable to love anyone. He was very happy and asked again if he could be mine. This time I said yes. It turns out we both felt something the day we met, and although neither of us believe in love at first sight, and don’t think that’s what it was, he said he thinks it’s as close to love at first sight as it is possible to be. So we are now officially a couple for the last few weeks although we met and got close back in April and May. Now we just talk more than ever, texting and calling each other every day, which we have found to be rather beneficial, as when you are not around each other the physical stuff doesn’t get in the way very much, and you spend all your time talking and getting to know the other person more as your best friend. I am very happy with him, and at this point, it just feels right. We fit well together and not surprisingly, since I am more into him than I ever been with a guy, all my other guy friends seem to be disappearing, and I don’t even care. He is thoughtful, stronger willed than me, protective and supportive, as well as being very loving. And even more recently, yes, I did break my nearly five years without sex, and while I hope it wasn’t too soon, I don’t feel bad about it, because he is my boyfriend, and I am in love, which is what I always said I would stick with as a rule. I will of course give no details other than to say it was so worth the wait, and he suits me perfectly. I do not know what the future holds, but I do know that he has every intention of me being his future, and told me. So at least, in spite of the concerns in my mind regarding being in a relationship at all, I still have managed to have the upper hand somehow. And that is a small comfort to me in the middle of my fear of the unknown. So I shall take my time, proceed carefully, and see what happens.