Monday, January 25, 2010

Maybe the forklift driver should lose a little weight?

Back to work this Morning after a relaxing week off playing video games with Bubba and Churf, and playing taxi to both of them. Bubba decided to be a total sweetheart and cook dinner for all of us. Spaghetti it was, straight out of a can, but he was so proud of his skills. We all talked it up like it was the best ever.
I had to pick up a load of paper rolls to take to New York, so I was up early this morning sitting in rush hour traffic. It was pouring rain and overcast. I was damp and chilled through. Things weren't going too badly- I arrived at the shipper, got my dock assignment, dealt with the usual annoying and overly friendly males, and settled in with a book while I waited. The rolls of paper are very heavy. They can only put about 21-22 of them on the trailer, so I can feel when each one gets loaded. One roll, two rolls, three rolls, four r- There was a huge noise of snapping and crashing. I kept reading, oblivious. The forklift driver appeared at my door to tell me I needed to come have a look. I grabbed my flashlight and went inside to check out my apparent faulty trailer, but it turned out there was no need for the flashlight. There was a gaping split in the floor of the trailer through which I could see outside. About four feet long, the floor was split open, and the cross members had broken clean off one side, where it looked like the metal, (possibly weld spots?) had just broken away from the other metal rails. What to do? Of course I called dispatch and told them about it, and Pansy promptly started messaging me to make sure I knew his macho self was worried about me. Even though I was not involved in the incident. So basically the forklift had broken right through the floor of the trailer. He was saying something about the metal cross rails being weak, the trailer sucked. I wanted to tell him that possibly he should lose some weight to avoid this sort of thing happening. I mean really, every other day they load these fine. Yes, it's a very heavy 2000+ lb roll of paper, and the weight of the forklift should be figured in, but really when it comes down to it, it is a perfectly logical assumption that if the driver of said forklift is 50 lbs over weight, it could be the proverbial straw that broke the camel's back, no? At least in this brilliant mind, that's how it all came together. But they weren't interested in my theories, so I ended up with a wasted day and back to the yard.
But now I'm going to Colorado instead, and Pansy took me out for supper and held me for a while and kissed me, which is the extent of what he's allowed to do. So it wasn't a complete waste, but a girl's gotta keep strict rules.
Pansy also told me he's leaving in April. He finally found a job as a pilot up north. Oh yeah, in case I forgot to mention it, Pansy is a pilot. So I'm glad he found what he wants. He has never been all that happy here.
So what is the moral of this story?? Put forklift drivers on a diet. It could eliminate alot of catastrophes.

Saturday, January 16, 2010

War of the....cookies?

So, I am having "Pansy" issues. Not the normal, dramatic, emotional type. No, this is something entirely new and foreign to me. I do not understand it, and I shall not even try to.
Churf and I came into the office. Pansy was decidedly cool and more distant with me than usual. He did not really flirt heavily like he usually does. Churf tried embarrassing us both with some very obvious comments, which she later said was for the purpose of seeing if he had any type of response that would give her some insight into our non-relationship. She had a good long chat with me and laid out a very logical explanation for why boys act like they do, and gave me some sisterly advice on how to behave towards him. She said instead of arguing with her, I need to just accept that she is right about men. So I say this time I will go with whatever she says. She tells me that clearly since Pansy never had gotten what he wanted out of me, he is withdrawing and reverting to "just friends" mode. She advises me to distance myself and be civil, but just friends. This sounds perfectly reasonable to me, so I agree.
The next morning, I go in to talk to Pansy about a load.

PANSY: Looks like you are going to have to wait a few extra hours for your load.
LIZZY: Oh, ok. No problem.
PANSY: So, how are things going? You still got that pickup truck?
LIZZY: You know it's not mine. But yeah, I have a key for it.
PANSY: Oh, cause I was just thinking, I mean...my pickup is here every day I work....just sort of sitting there, and I was going to ask if you want a key for it.

What is with men just giving me keys to their vehicles???? Is this a competition thing??? Two points to make here. A) I am not going to collect keys to guys vehicles. B) WTF??? Did not Churf and I just decide Pansy was settling into "just friends" mode? This was decidedly beyond "just friends" in my opinion.
On the same topic, Poncho has lately been making mean jokes about Pansy and trying for my attention, even pulling out his ace card....his sports car. When will these boys grow up??? Poncho also gave Churf and I homemade cookies. He did not make them himself. Maybe his mother did?
In summary, we are confused, so we have boiled it down to one simple formula. Poncho+Pansy= Sorry Pansy, but Poncho feeds us cookies.

Friday, January 15, 2010

Save the Starbucks!

It has been a while since my last post, and Churf and I are hard at work. Or at least, one of us is working. We had an amazing new year's. Churf got a bit shmammered at the party, and was so hilarious I got muscle cramps from laughing at her. Bubba backed out at the last minute but then had a friend drop him off at our party so he could surprise us. I was so happy to see him. He said I look younger and more beautiful all the time....*sigh*....just what a little brother SHOULD say if he knows what's good for him.
After that, Pansy got us a load to Dallas, so off we went to the land of longhorn cows. It was so much warmer than here. Unfortunately, Churf has an overly active bladder.
CHURF: I have to pee......I really have to pee........I REALLY HAVE TO PEE.
LIZZY: We are in the middle of Dallas...do YOU see anywhere to stop??
CHURF: I REALLY HAVE TO PEE-NOW!
LIZZY: There is nowhere to stop! We are in the middle of the city!
CHURF: Pull over under this bridge, or I wil PEE IN YOUR STARBUCKS!!!!
LIZZY: NO!!! NOT THE STARBUCKS!!!!! (Screeches to a stop on the shoulder)
And this is the usual, folks. Yikes.