Love Is InThe Air

It has been over a week since I wrote anything, so I will give a quick update.
I still have had no students, and am wondering when they will start to arrive, but it hasn’t bothered me as I rather like my peace and quiet, free of responsibility.
Last week I dropped my motorcycle for the second time. It was very frustrating. I’ve had it four years and never dropped it, and now I’ve done it twice in two weeks. This time I jumped clear, so instead of crushing my foot, it broke the left side mirror off, and the body was damaged much worse than the first time. Once again, back to Kristi and Russ’s shop, where it still is, waiting for me to pick it up, while barely avoiding Kristi’s happy trigger finger on the spray paint gun as she begs me to let her paint it all pink. Cause that’s just what I need. The only pink Interceptor in the city. The cops will never recognize me.
Davey and I had a heartfelt talk recently, in which I admitted that I while I couldn’t guarantee the depth of my love, I had indeed fallen in love with him much quicker than I ever thought possible, dispelling my concerns that I was broken emotionally and unable to love anyone. He was very happy and asked again if he could be mine. This time I said yes. It turns out we both felt something the day we met, and although neither of us believe in love at first sight, and don’t think that’s what it was, he said he thinks it’s as close to love at first sight as it is possible to be. So we are now officially a couple for the last few weeks although we met and got close back in April and May. Now we just talk more than ever, texting and calling each other every day, which we have found to be rather beneficial, as when you are not around each other the physical stuff doesn’t get in the way very much, and you spend all your time talking and getting to know the other person more as your best friend. I am very happy with him, and at this point, it just feels right. We fit well together and not surprisingly, since I am more into him than I ever been with a guy, all my other guy friends seem to be disappearing, and I don’t even care. He is thoughtful, stronger willed than me, protective and supportive, as well as being very loving. And even more recently, yes, I did break my nearly five years without sex, and while I hope it wasn’t too soon, I don’t feel bad about it, because he is my boyfriend, and I am in love, which is what I always said I would stick with as a rule. I will of course give no details other than to say it was so worth the wait, and he suits me perfectly. I do not know what the future holds, but I do know that he has every intention of me being his future, and told me. So at least, in spite of the concerns in my mind regarding being in a relationship at all, I still have managed to have the upper hand somehow. And that is a small comfort to me in the middle of my fear of the unknown. So I shall take my time, proceed carefully, and see what happens.

Sassy's Rude Awakening

Sassy and I arrived in Carlisle, Pennsylvania, and parked for the night at a Flying J truck stop to sleep as we had to deliver in York, Pa the following morning. Davey had called and said he was going right by where we were and if he got there at a reasonable time he would stop and see me. He arrived at three am. I let him into the truck while still half asleep, and he crawled into bed with me, kissed me goodnight, and I passed out on his shoulder. Sassy never woke up. In the morning a groggy Sassy peered down from the top bunk to say she was up, but all she saw was a half naked dude she didn’t recognize. She looked all shocked and raised her eyebrows, pointing emphatically at Davey who was still asleep. I chuckled. “It’s Davey. He got here at three in the morning.”
“Ohhhh, ok… It kinda freaked me out. I don’t remember anyone coming in and I’ve never met Davey so I had no idea who it was and to wake up with a strange guy in the truck just about scared me.”
Davey woke up and rolled over. “Davey, Sassy….Sassy, Davey.”
The two of them got along well. Davey acted like he was 12, and that suited Sassy just fine, although she harassed him so much that at one point he mouthed the words “a bit overwhelming” to me.
My truck had been having some issues with the voltage and the check engine light kept coming on, so Davey checked things for me. “I think you have a bad battery.” He said…”No, wait- they are all bad. You need to get to a shop before your truck decides to die.”
This was bad news, but at least we were very near a Volvo dealership, so we booked the truck into the shop and the company paid for our hotel with a pool. Davey stayed that night too, and Sassy and him got into a silly argument about who was tougher, and Sassy ended up getting unceremoniously thrown into the pool. She was a good sport about it and we ended the evening with pizza. So our week ended up being rather short and not much work was done, but we did manage to relax and spend a lot of time together.

Sassy's First Trip

This week was different in some good ways, and some bad ways. I talked Mumsy into letting my youngest sister, Sassy, who is 14, come with me in the truck. We got to my hometown the day before we had to work, and decided to ignore the phone calls from Mumsy who was considering driving the three hours to where we were to take Sassy home. Instead, we went for a motorcycle ride. We got our gear on and met Kristi at her shop. As we were preparing to leave, I rolled my bike up beside Kristi's and parked, except somehow I got the bike a bit off balance and the weight was too much much for me. In slow motion, struggling to hold the beast up, I dropped it. All 460lbs of it. On my foot. Kristi and Sassy rushed over to help me pick it up, as my ankle and foot were pinned under it. I was bummed. I had bent my clutch lever and scratched the left side fairing. My beautiful bike had an ugly scar. Russ came over to help out by kicking me while I was down, making fun of me mercilessly.
“Aw, don’t worry, hun,” said Kristi. “Look at the bright side. I’ll keep it here and fix it for you and it’ll be as good as new by the time you come home next weekend. And you know it’s free of charge for you. We can just wet sand that and get new levers. It’ll be ok.”
Thank goodness for Kristi. She had me feeling better in no time, although my swollen and purple foot was beyond her expertise. But I don’t think I broke anything, so it could have been worse.
The next day we headed out to work, and although Sassy and I talked and laughed for the first while, she soon became bored of the driving and spent most of her time plugged in, either to my Ipod or watching movies. Every once in a while I would make use of her, as she quickly figured out how to do the paperwork, so I left that to her. She was also excellent at taking care of sending all the messages back and forth on the Qualcomm, (satellite computer), and helped a lot at keeping everything running smoothly.

Overworked, Overbooked and Loving it.

Things have been very busy lately. I have finished my testing and training to become a driver trainer for my company, and should be getting my first student within a week or so, depending on my schedule and what is convenient for me. As much as I have some reservations about whether or not I will enjoy my new position, I really am looking forward to trying something new and getting a student.
As far as updates on my personal/love life, I ended things with Ryan before they hardly began. It just wasn’t going to work. I told him that I could be friends with him, but a relationship just wouldn’t be possible. There was next to no chemistry, and as mean as this sounds, I don’t want to date a guy that’s less man than I am. Combined with the giant warning flags I previously mentioned, and my tendency to send every man packing within a few months, it just wasn’t going to happen. He was upset, but I let him down as gently as I could, and am now ignoring e-mails asking for further clarification of my reasons for ditching him.
Kristi and I rode down to the motorcycle races in Cayuga one day on the weekend, which was a tiny bit awkward as Ryan was racing, and I spent all my time with Ninja who was also there. He was very happy I came, even though it was not for his sake, and was telling me about his races the previous day, and how he didn’t win. I know he can ride well, so when he said he didn’t know what he was doing wrong, and how to get a bit more speed, I responded with, “Well, maybe you should drive a little faster. Just twist it.” He laughed and said that I make everything sound so much more simple than it really is. I shrugged. “Maybe everything is more simple than people would like to think.”
Ninja won the race that day. By a long shot. So of course like any good friend, I tried to take all the credit, since clearly me telling him to drive faster is why he won.
It has been great having Kristi to ride with as I would way rather ride with her than any of the guys. Because honestly, what guy wants to ride to a nail salon to get his nails done and his eyebrows threaded? She just understands me so much better.
I saw Davey not long ago. I did not run from him as I probably should have. We talk and text every day and have gotten to be quite good friends. He has always been very complimentary and warm towards me so it came as no surprise when he told me he loved me. It just kind of slipped out. He said he wouldn’t apologize because it had just felt natural to say it and he wasn’t going to deny anything. It was over the phone, not in person, so at this point I laid everything out for him, and told him he is likely to get burned if he truly loves me, and was brutally honest about the fact that I seem to go through one guy after another- two or three months in they tell me they love me and I either get cold feet or feel I could never return their feelings so at that point I ditch them fast, in a ‘it was nice knowing you’, kind of way.
He asked if I meant this was goodbye? I said we were treading on thin ice, but I wasn’t quite ready to cut him loose just yet. I told him I was sure it was just an infatuation and that it would pass, and I could give him no encouragement whatsoever. Cruel, I know, but isn’t honesty the best policy? He responded that it really was love and that maybe I was a poor choice if he wished to guard his emotions, but he was prepared to take that chance, and would be there until such a time as I chose to be rid of him. He said I was different from anyone he’s ever known and that I have some kind of unexplainable invisible hold on him. Rash, I thought, but it was his choice. He has since asked if he could be mine, and I have said no, I am claiming nothing. I just have a nagging feeling it would never work, in spite of the fact that I have more chemistry with him than I think I have ever had with anyone and it is all I can do to not sleep with him. For that reason it is probably good that we don’t live closer to each other. When I saw him a couple weeks ago, we spent the night together, although we didn’t sleep at all, and my self control almost deserted me. It just feels so comfortable and good to be in his arms, and he pulls at my heartstrings like no one has in a long time. We were cuddling and making out and he just took my face in his hands, looked into my eyes and said, “We can’t sleep together. I made you a promise, and I intend to keep it.”
The promise he is referring to is from a while ago, when I told him that I only intended to sleep with my boyfriend, if I was in love with him. He said he would not ask me for anything physically and that since he was not my boyfriend, and I was not in love, he would not compromise my standards, morals, or feelings, and therefore would not sleep with me. I didn’t really believe a guy would stick to such a thing, but he has not only stuck to it, he has reminded me not to cross my own lines. Of course, predictably, this only makes me like him more. I think I need to work harder on my Ice Queen routine before I let him in too much. I don’t want to get too involved, as staying cold has always let me keep the upper hand and end things abruptly with no emotional discomfort.
So here I am, on my way home from Iowa, with a boy’s heart in my incapable hands once again, a family birthday party to attend and Churfy on crutches after a horse accident left her with amnesia, a concussion and a fractured foot. She is returning from Alberta next weekend, at which time I will be picking her up from the airport, babying her and spoiling her rotten.
The remainder of this weekend I will be spending with Davey in Detroit, and hopefully riding my motorcycle.