Updates

A lot has occurred in my life, including one event that makes it very hard to type. But I will slowly get there.
I had my first student in August. Her name was Kelly. She was an awesome lady, and we got along even better than I had anticipated. She was an ideal student, very focused and intent on learning everything possible. She was intending to join her husband on the road and team drive. She even let me take time out to meet up with Davey, who I was falling more and more in love with, although he always claimed he was more committed and in love than I was, and she insisted on calling him my 'husband' as she said 'boyfriend' did not seem serious enough a term to cover our love and commitment to each other. It was odd, but sweet of her, and Davey liked her very much as well. Everything was going well, but this was all before everything started to fall apart around me.
With the weekend approaching, Kelly and I decided to take a few days off and meet up on Monday to go back to work. I was in great spirits, and rode my motorcycle up to my parents place on Saturday to visit. It was a lovely ride, and the weather was amazing. I woke Sunday, sent a message to Kelly to remind her what time to meet me Monday morning, and put on my riding gear and backpack to head out.

It's Really More Difficult Than It Looks....Or Not.

I am at the company yard, just about to catch a few hours rest before heading out to New Brunswick at midnight tonight. I've had a very busy day, as I worked from 4am to 1pm and am squeezing in a ten hour break so I can head out at 11pm to my pick up. I was supposed to be sleeping this afternoon, but instead was feeling all ambitious and capable, so I went out and bought a microwave, a new (bigger) power inverter, and extension cords and proceeded to install the works all by my little self, into my transport truck. I even hid all the wiring and cords behind cupboards and under flooring so it would look perfect. No half-ass job here. Unfortunately, it came at the expense of my sleep, but as easy as the job was, feeling proud of myself is making up for it at the moment. And yes, I tested out the microwave, as I tend to question my dubious skills. And it worked! Of course I had to brag to Davey so I could get that all important pat on the back, and he obliged, as he always does.
I also was notified today that I will be getting my first student this coming week, which I'm finding I am really looking forward to and am already cleaning out my truck so she will have room for her things, as my truck is always bursting at the seams, with more useless things than I know what to do with. I constantly find things in here I never even knew I had. It's like Christmas.
Churfy got accepted to College in Detroit, for Large Animal Veterinary, which I am very happy and proud of, especially since it gives her something positive to focus on in the wake of her boyfriend's unfortunate mental meltdown, which I will probably write the next post about.
Davey and I are still going strong although we haven't seen each other in two and a half weeks, and I really miss him terribly. We have spent most of the last 3 days on the phone just talking non stop like we always do, and I always feel better when I hear his voice, but I wish he wasn't so far away. He always talks like I am his future, which I love and find adorable. He'll make comments about what we will be like when we are old, and tells me that if he can, he wants to keep me forever, so even if we are far away and it's hard right now, it will be worth it in the long run. And I like when he talks like that. I love him more all the time, and he has amazed me with how much care and love and support he gives me, and how he will put my feelings, needs and comfort before his own. I've never had someone who would do that for me. We are very quickly becoming best friends and I feel comfortable and safe talking to him, and confident that he will keep any secrets I tell him. I am keeping my fingers crossed that taking a chance, and breaking out of my comfort zone and loving someone will pay off, because I am crazy about him, and hope that he will stay, and keep me.

Love Is InThe Air

It has been over a week since I wrote anything, so I will give a quick update.
I still have had no students, and am wondering when they will start to arrive, but it hasn’t bothered me as I rather like my peace and quiet, free of responsibility.
Last week I dropped my motorcycle for the second time. It was very frustrating. I’ve had it four years and never dropped it, and now I’ve done it twice in two weeks. This time I jumped clear, so instead of crushing my foot, it broke the left side mirror off, and the body was damaged much worse than the first time. Once again, back to Kristi and Russ’s shop, where it still is, waiting for me to pick it up, while barely avoiding Kristi’s happy trigger finger on the spray paint gun as she begs me to let her paint it all pink. Cause that’s just what I need. The only pink Interceptor in the city. The cops will never recognize me.
Davey and I had a heartfelt talk recently, in which I admitted that I while I couldn’t guarantee the depth of my love, I had indeed fallen in love with him much quicker than I ever thought possible, dispelling my concerns that I was broken emotionally and unable to love anyone. He was very happy and asked again if he could be mine. This time I said yes. It turns out we both felt something the day we met, and although neither of us believe in love at first sight, and don’t think that’s what it was, he said he thinks it’s as close to love at first sight as it is possible to be. So we are now officially a couple for the last few weeks although we met and got close back in April and May. Now we just talk more than ever, texting and calling each other every day, which we have found to be rather beneficial, as when you are not around each other the physical stuff doesn’t get in the way very much, and you spend all your time talking and getting to know the other person more as your best friend. I am very happy with him, and at this point, it just feels right. We fit well together and not surprisingly, since I am more into him than I ever been with a guy, all my other guy friends seem to be disappearing, and I don’t even care. He is thoughtful, stronger willed than me, protective and supportive, as well as being very loving. And even more recently, yes, I did break my nearly five years without sex, and while I hope it wasn’t too soon, I don’t feel bad about it, because he is my boyfriend, and I am in love, which is what I always said I would stick with as a rule. I will of course give no details other than to say it was so worth the wait, and he suits me perfectly. I do not know what the future holds, but I do know that he has every intention of me being his future, and told me. So at least, in spite of the concerns in my mind regarding being in a relationship at all, I still have managed to have the upper hand somehow. And that is a small comfort to me in the middle of my fear of the unknown. So I shall take my time, proceed carefully, and see what happens.

Overworked, Overbooked and Loving it.

Things have been very busy lately. I have finished my testing and training to become a driver trainer for my company, and should be getting my first student within a week or so, depending on my schedule and what is convenient for me. As much as I have some reservations about whether or not I will enjoy my new position, I really am looking forward to trying something new and getting a student.
As far as updates on my personal/love life, I ended things with Ryan before they hardly began. It just wasn’t going to work. I told him that I could be friends with him, but a relationship just wouldn’t be possible. There was next to no chemistry, and as mean as this sounds, I don’t want to date a guy that’s less man than I am. Combined with the giant warning flags I previously mentioned, and my tendency to send every man packing within a few months, it just wasn’t going to happen. He was upset, but I let him down as gently as I could, and am now ignoring e-mails asking for further clarification of my reasons for ditching him.
Kristi and I rode down to the motorcycle races in Cayuga one day on the weekend, which was a tiny bit awkward as Ryan was racing, and I spent all my time with Ninja who was also there. He was very happy I came, even though it was not for his sake, and was telling me about his races the previous day, and how he didn’t win. I know he can ride well, so when he said he didn’t know what he was doing wrong, and how to get a bit more speed, I responded with, “Well, maybe you should drive a little faster. Just twist it.” He laughed and said that I make everything sound so much more simple than it really is. I shrugged. “Maybe everything is more simple than people would like to think.”
Ninja won the race that day. By a long shot. So of course like any good friend, I tried to take all the credit, since clearly me telling him to drive faster is why he won.
It has been great having Kristi to ride with as I would way rather ride with her than any of the guys. Because honestly, what guy wants to ride to a nail salon to get his nails done and his eyebrows threaded? She just understands me so much better.
I saw Davey not long ago. I did not run from him as I probably should have. We talk and text every day and have gotten to be quite good friends. He has always been very complimentary and warm towards me so it came as no surprise when he told me he loved me. It just kind of slipped out. He said he wouldn’t apologize because it had just felt natural to say it and he wasn’t going to deny anything. It was over the phone, not in person, so at this point I laid everything out for him, and told him he is likely to get burned if he truly loves me, and was brutally honest about the fact that I seem to go through one guy after another- two or three months in they tell me they love me and I either get cold feet or feel I could never return their feelings so at that point I ditch them fast, in a ‘it was nice knowing you’, kind of way.
He asked if I meant this was goodbye? I said we were treading on thin ice, but I wasn’t quite ready to cut him loose just yet. I told him I was sure it was just an infatuation and that it would pass, and I could give him no encouragement whatsoever. Cruel, I know, but isn’t honesty the best policy? He responded that it really was love and that maybe I was a poor choice if he wished to guard his emotions, but he was prepared to take that chance, and would be there until such a time as I chose to be rid of him. He said I was different from anyone he’s ever known and that I have some kind of unexplainable invisible hold on him. Rash, I thought, but it was his choice. He has since asked if he could be mine, and I have said no, I am claiming nothing. I just have a nagging feeling it would never work, in spite of the fact that I have more chemistry with him than I think I have ever had with anyone and it is all I can do to not sleep with him. For that reason it is probably good that we don’t live closer to each other. When I saw him a couple weeks ago, we spent the night together, although we didn’t sleep at all, and my self control almost deserted me. It just feels so comfortable and good to be in his arms, and he pulls at my heartstrings like no one has in a long time. We were cuddling and making out and he just took my face in his hands, looked into my eyes and said, “We can’t sleep together. I made you a promise, and I intend to keep it.”
The promise he is referring to is from a while ago, when I told him that I only intended to sleep with my boyfriend, if I was in love with him. He said he would not ask me for anything physically and that since he was not my boyfriend, and I was not in love, he would not compromise my standards, morals, or feelings, and therefore would not sleep with me. I didn’t really believe a guy would stick to such a thing, but he has not only stuck to it, he has reminded me not to cross my own lines. Of course, predictably, this only makes me like him more. I think I need to work harder on my Ice Queen routine before I let him in too much. I don’t want to get too involved, as staying cold has always let me keep the upper hand and end things abruptly with no emotional discomfort.
So here I am, on my way home from Iowa, with a boy’s heart in my incapable hands once again, a family birthday party to attend and Churfy on crutches after a horse accident left her with amnesia, a concussion and a fractured foot. She is returning from Alberta next weekend, at which time I will be picking her up from the airport, babying her and spoiling her rotten.
The remainder of this weekend I will be spending with Davey in Detroit, and hopefully riding my motorcycle.

Poker Face

It is all a game. A very addictive game, I am starting to think. I intended to weed some of the men out of my life as I gravitated towards Ryan, but I hit a bump, and everything was derailed in a very short amount of time. First things first. Ryan and I have been seeing a lot of each other and I was fully enjoying getting to know him without the added pressure of sex, since we agreed to not do that for the time being, and focus on forming a real and solid friendship based on personality and character, not bedroom skills. Unfortunately this enabled me to have my eyes wide open to the good, the bad and the ugly. The Good: He is sweet, thoughtful and caring and puts no pressure on me physically. Plus, he likes to cuddle. The Bad: Something doesn’t sit quite right, and he let me in on things lately that explain a lot. I am not sure yet whether it is all negative, but it most certainly isn’t positive, unless you consider it positive that he trusted me and let me in. The Ugly: The bad doesn’t even need to be mentioned since it was eclipsed by the ugly. Allow me to explain what set off the warning flags. We were having lunch and I was telling him stuff about work, which he had asked about. In the middle of me talking, he pipes up with, “To be honest you are kind of rambling on. Maybe you could get to the point?” (Don’t quote this as being verbatim, but it’s very close.) To which I replied that I thought we were just having a conversation and wasn’t aware I needed to make a point.
“Well, I think if you are going to talk, you should have a point.”
Point taken. The party was over. I became a bit down and quiet, for fear I might (heaven forbid) open my mouth and fail to make a point. But I let it go. Till the next day. We were driving in his car and I was telling him a silly story about Churfy and I, and granted, I may have been a tad bit animated. He reached over, put his hand over my mouth and said, “Shh, shh. You’re getting too wired.”
A bit taken aback, I sat in silence for the rest of the ride. He hadn’t even let me finish my story. After 5 years of blatant independence, I am not going to let someone shush me, put me down or control me. He should know that. But then maybe not, as I had become docile and allowed him to walk on me. The next morning I was leaving for California, and avoided his kiss goodbye. He asked what was wrong. I said nothing was wrong, and I had to get going.
He texted me on his way to work, to ask if we could talk, but I didn’t hear my phone…. even when he tried to call multiple times. For real. So his next text said he was concerned and felt like maybe he wasn’t going to see me again, and to please get in touch and talk to him asap so he could stop worrying. I told him I would talk to him, but it wasn’t going to be via text as that was too impersonal. I ended up not leaving till the next morning, so we were going to try to meet up, but it didn’t work out. He dropped the ball completely and ended up not seeing me or talking to me that night even though he supposedly was making it a priority. Such a priority, in fact, that he stayed out till after midnight on a work night doing god knows what. And I really don’t buy that he was with who he said he was with. But I don’t care. What will be, will be. I went to Ninja’s house instead, and said hello and goodbye to him, but couldn’t bring myself to stay the night as he asked, because I don’t want to be doing anything inappropriate. But it reminded me how solid and non-flaky Ninja is.
So this week Ryan and I have been talking off and on. He is saying he misses me and really wants to see me, and is ok with being in the doghouse till I get back and talk to him about what is on my mind. Thing is, is it worth talking about? If it’s a lame mistake, yeah, but if it’s a pattern of controlling behavior, I’m not naïve enough to think I can influence or fix that in any way. I suppose it wouldn’t hurt to see how talking about it turns out. I could get my answer right then.
Back off Ryan, talk to Steve, fend off amorous advances from Davey and ….Pansy? Back to too many men! Pansy is manageable. He’s been texting a lot from his new abode WAY the hell up north, which I chalk up to the effects of solitary confinement. It can make anyone crazy. His latest is a million compliments followed by begging and pleading for naked pictures. “Sorry,” I say, “You know I have a no picture policy. Go watch some Eskimo porn and leave me alone.” Case dismissed. Easy enough.
Davey on the other hand is totally my type, which is exactly the type I should stay away from. I know from previous experience it doesn’t work. He’s from Tennessee- a bad boy. Tattooed, ear rings, eyebrow stud and a sexy, manly scar on his face. Plus he’s aggressive and protective. All features I love, that make him a horrible prospect. I know I can’t date him. But he targets all my weaknesses. He doesn’t know that, it’s just the way it is. And today he told me he really likes me a lot and wants me to think well of him, told me he misses me and just wants to hold me, and called me baby and sweet heart. I have never even hugged him, since it is rare that he’s been around and I knew I needed to keep my distance. He is saying everything I want to hear constantly these days, and it’s so tough to fight it, but I know I have to. Must not think about…..oh God, who am I kidding? I can’t do this. I need to run for the hills.
I was trying to explain my situation to Churfy this evening.
LIZZY: I think I play my men like a poker hand- I have a full house and I just keep bluffing.
CHURFY: Oh god, You’re like the female version of a ‘player’, minus the sleeping around. What are you gonna do when you meet a really nice guy and you don’t wanna play him?
LIZZY: If he’s awesome, I guess I’ll fold.
Or will I? I thought that I was ready to find a nice guy, and settle into having a boyfriend. I hate to admit this, and maybe there is something wrong with me, but the more men I have around, flattering me and catering to my every whim, the more addictive it becomes. How can I choose just one? Can I really settle down and be content? I would like to think so, and especially for a girl like me, you would think that I would want to settle down since I refuse to sleep with a guy that’s not my boyfriend, and having hot guys around that I can’t/won’t sleep with does get old. And is it really fair to toy with their feelings, even if I’m not in bed with them? I always thought not being physical made it ok, but now I’m starting to wonder, as emotions seem to crop up on their sides in spite of my strict rules. While I don’t think it’s despicable, odds are that if you want to date me or you start to fall for me, you are going to get played. I think I need to change that before it becomes an ingrained habit.

The Boy In Question

My time off started yesterday, and I’m very happy to be home as I have been very sick for the last 4 days and really needed to relax and feel better.
Kristi had asked me to spend time with her when I got home, so I agreed to go out for supper with her last night. She is a mutual friend of mine and Ryan’s. Yesterday afternoon he texted that he missed me and couldn’t wait to see me, and I kind of felt the same. An hour later he texted again.
RYAN: Kristi just asked me if I knew my chickie was home, and said she’s having dinner with you. What the hell?
LIZZY: Well, it’s not my fault she asked me out first.
RYAN: I thought we had plans?
LIZZY: We did?? I don’t remember making any. When did you ask?
RYAN: I said I couldn’t wait to see you…..
Oh, right….I forgot. To males this is considered making plans. To women this is nothing more than a vague comment. Silly me. Should have known…
LIZZY: Well, I’m not backing out on Kristi. Maybe I can see you later.
RYAN: Ok, let me know.

About an hour later, I got a text from Kristi.
KRISTI: I got a text from Ryan. He says to back off, he wants you tonight. Lol.
LIZZY: Silly boy. I will see him later.
KRISTI: Well, you can go out with Ryan. I’m suddenly not feeling well.
LIZZY: That’s suspicious. You sure?
KRISTI: Yeah. You’d have more fun with me. Let’s do dinner tomorrow. Ryan’s a bitch.
LIZZY: Ok, hun. See you tomorrow.

So I went out with Ryan for dinner, and he again brought up the subject of where things were going between us.
RYAN: So, I know I’ve brought this up before, but I’m just wondering if you are any more clear on where you see things going between us?
LIZZY: Wow, you know, this is a really awkward subject for me, and to be honest I don’t really know. I’m still getting to know you.
RYAN: It’s not that I want to rush you, but I don’t want to hide anything from you, and so I may as well tell you I was seeing someone when I met you. It wasn’t anything serious….kind of new, but when I started hanging out with you it made me rethink everything, and I realized you had all my attention.
LIZZY: (with a slight uncomfortable smile) Oh, so basically I won?
RYAN: (chuckles awkwardly) I guess you could say that. Anyway, I kind of just left the girl hanging. I suppose I will tell her it just isn’t going to work.
LIZZY: Why? Is she your back up plan in case I said I didn’t want you? That’s so comforting.
RYAN: Uh, no….not really. Huh….maybe I shouldn’t have brought this up. Sorry. Forget I said anything. Maybe this isn’t the best time.
LIZZY: I’m sorry I can’t give you the answer you are looking for, but I can’t make your decisions for you. You do whatever you feel you need or want to do. I am not going to put pressure on anyone, nor will I be pressured. I want to take things slow and know I am making the right decisions.
RYAN: Yeah, I guess that’s the best. Sorry I brought this up. I just wanted to be honest with you.
LIZZY: Thank you.

I stayed at Ryan’s a few times this week. We rode our motorcycles together and with Kristi and Russ, although there was a lot of tension between Kristi and Ryan, as they got in a fight and she is not speaking to him because she feels he is monopolizing my time and trying to keep me away from her. They spent most of their time accusing each other of being bitches, so I minimized conflict by splitting my time and not being around both of them together. I think Ryan started it, but he wanted to bury the hatchet, and Kristi was not co-operating. But aside from that, all is going well, and Ryan even babysat the Chihuahuas so I could go out for the evening with Kristi. It was a very busy week off, but I got a lot done and thoroughly enjoyed myself, even going dirt-biking with Russ, and swapping motorcycles with a co-worker so I could try out his zx-12. It was a powerful and fast bike. A good way to round out an excellent week.

The Late Night News.

Just some quick updates. Monster Jam was great. Churfy got herself a new boyfriend, (well not brand spanking new, but you know...) so he came with us to Monster Jam. He seems to be a great improvement over the previous model, and neither of us tried to kill each other, so things are looking good. I don't mind the schmoozing, but payback's a bitch, so as soon as I get a man they need to be prepared to be incredibly grossed out. Just saying.
Dprime popped the question, so him and Spaz are planning to get married in October. Apparently I'm an "honorary bridesmaid" whatever that means exactly and as such have received a message from a complete stranger basically telling me to get my act together because we are planning a smashing stag and doe for Dprime and Spaz in July. Thank God I've got time. I haven't the foggiest clue how to go about such a thing, so I'm hoping this "Jeff" character knows what's going on. I may be clueless, but it all still sounds so exciting! Keeping my fingers crossed that we can rastle up the biggest party ever seen for those two.
I just got off the phone with Ryan. He was racing his motorcycle today, and I guess wishing him luck was doom, because he crashed and hurt his leg pretty badly and has to go get x-rays. He can barely walk and is pretty miserable. And I don't think me making fun of him really helped as much as I thought it would. Who knew? And of course, I am all the way in New Brunswick, a mere 1,050 miles from him, so I don't think I was much comfort. I just told him to keep his leg up on a pillow and stay put. Yeah, I'm a genius.
I will post updates on all this breaking news when I get a chance. Over and out. (More accurately, bed is looking pretty awesome right now.)

I Need To Go Back To Work.....Where I Can Relax

It was such a hectic week off, but I am back at work now where I can relax, so I shall bring you up to speed on where things stand with my men.
LADA: Not talking at all. I think this is mutual, and I’m ok with it.
PANSY: Currently being ignored. This is not going to change.
NINJA: I believe he is becoming a bit too emotionally attached very quickly, as he texts multiple times a day and sometimes asks if he can call me as well, and admits to missing me frequently. I kind of don’t blame him as I may have inadvertently kick started this by sleeping at his place three times last week. To all you people reading stuff into this……ONLY sleeping. We have kissed and cuddled, and that is the extent of it. Meanwhile, I have tried to put the brakes on there, as someone unexpected is on the scene. Enter Ryan, previously barely mentioned.
RYAN: Odd as this is, I am struggling right now with how I feel towards Ryan, and here is why. As mentioned in a previous post, we ride together on our motorcycles, weather permitting, but it never left much time for talking as we were merely riding buddies, although I do admit I always make him lead, as the view is better that way. On one of our recent rides, he took me up to Elora Gorge, a huge ravine with a river running through it. We sat at the top, admired the view and talked for an hour and a half, which is more than we had ever talked. I already knew he was a nice guy, but was pleasantly surprised to find myself more comfortable and at ease around him than I’ve been with anyone in a long time. He talks a lot, which is great, but it means we never shut up. Somehow he ended up asking me what I was looking for in a guy, and it wasn’t even hard to answer. I’m for some reason not shy with him at all. I also was pleased that we see eye to eye on almost everything we’ve talked about up to this point, especially our desire to never have children. (I know, we covered practically everything…) So the next few days we kept riding together, until Sunday when Ryan was at the racetrack all day (he races motorcycles as well), and got back a bit late and was too cold and tired to go riding. I figured we’d just skip it, but I got a phone call from him. A bit shy, he said “You know, there’s more to do than just ride bikes. Not that I don’t like riding with you, it’s just I’m saying I would like to take you on a date.” Purely platonic no more…..I said yes. We didn’t do anything extravagant, just went and played pool and talked like crazy. As I said…we never shut up. We laughed and played and made fun of each other. At one point I leaned over the pool table to make a shot and he whistled at me. I blushed, and laughed and couldn’t make the shot, which I think was the whole point. He was pretty amused. It was a great evening. Too great. If I don’t watch it, I could fall for him fast.
I talked to Churfy about it and she said, “He wanted to kiss you. I bet he does.”
“I don’t know about that. We are just friends.”
“Uh huh. When are you seeing him? Tomorrow night again? I will put money on it that he is going to kiss you.”
She was right. Somehow we managed to get on the topic of getting married (!) and he said, “If we ever get married, we are going to elope, get married on a beach and tell our families when we get home.”
I laughed. “Sounds perfect. It’s a deal.”
He went to hug me goodbye and just looked into my eyes for a second, and then he kissed me. (You win, Churfy, what do I owe you?) He hugged me so tight like he didn’t want to let go, and I liked it. Bad me. He didn’t want me to leave, he said. Funny, cause I didn’t want to leave either. But I had to. I told him I would miss his cute self but I would be back soon.
“Good,” he said, “Because we need to start going on real dates. I want to take you out more. Will you go for dinner with me when you come back?”
I tried to stifle a “Hell, yeah!!”, and went with a more subdued “Sure, I'll think about it,” accompanied by a shoulder shrug.
Talk about adding to my confusion though. I’ve never been the type to play men, and I’m not going to start now, but this has all been so sudden and unexpected, and now I don’t know what to do. Churfy delved into the depths of Native American wisdom, (ie…our native friend Kitty), and came up with, “You can’t push a river.”
That about sums it up.

Of California, Pansy, and The Days Inndian

After the run to B.C. at breakneck speed, or more accurately- 100 kph, combined with 13 hours of driving a day equaling over 700 miles a day, I was tired. But there was no time to rest. California was calling, and far be it from me to slow down and breathe, so off I went. It took me a day and a half to run out of hours, so I parked to do a 36 hour break, which resets my available hours to 70. I was in Willows, California, a quiet peaceful little town, where I parked behind a Days Inn in an empty lot, which just happened to be beside a Starbucks. I relaxed, took my dogs for a 2 hour walk, hacked the Days Inn Wireless password and spent entirely too much time online and sleeping. But I needed it. I slept for 11 hours straight. The next day was just as relaxing and exactly the same, except I needed to be up at midnight to get to my delivery on time. It was rather warm out, so I decided to change things up and sleep naked. Bad idea. I had been in bed for about an hour when the manager of the Hotel…..aka the Days (East) Inndian, was banging on my door and yelling at me to get up.

DAYS INNDIAN: Come down from your truck right now!
LIZZY: One minute!
DI: No one minute! NOW!
LIZZY: You are going to HAVE to give me a minute!
DI: No minute! I am calling the police! This is private property!
LIZZY: GIVE ME ONE MINUTE!!!!
DI: Come down from there right now! That’s it! I will call a tow truck!

I struggled angrily into my clothes and got up in the front seat and rolled down the window. I was not a happy camper.

LIZZY: I have been here since yesterday, I am neat and tidy, and quiet. I am not bothering anybody, or getting in the way. What is the problem?
DI: This is private property. You can’t park here.
LIZZY: There were no signs regarding trespassing.
DI: No need for signs. It is the DAYS INN!
LIZZY: Look, I’ve been here since yesterday. I am leaving at midnight. Can’t you just let me stay a few more hours?
DI: No. Leave right now. I am calling the police……unless you give me money.
LIZZY: I’m pretty sure extortion is illegal.
DI: Give me $35 dollars and we’ll call it even.
LIZZY: What???
DI: I call police.

I threw some money at him and he slinked away. But then I thought to myself…. “are you just going to get walked on again? NO!” So I dressed up neatly, put on my bravest face and marched into the office demanding to speak with the Days Inndian.

LIZZY: How dare you treat me the way you did? I am leaving, and I want my money.
DI: No money.
LIZZY: Give me my money.
DI: No
LIZZY: Oh, so this is how they teach you to treat women in India? Like garbage? With zero respect or consideration? Why didn’t you speak to the men who were parked there? Why did you pick on me? Oh wait, I know….because I’m female!!!!
DI: I do not hate women. I am just telling you the rules. And I make the rules. You need to leave.
LIZZY: I will when you give me my money. Or would you prefer I go across the street to that police station and report you for extortion? Cause I’m pretty sure telling someone to give you money to stop you from calling the police is illegal.
DI: It was money for parking.
LIZZY: Interesting, because that’s not what you said. You said to give you money or you call the police. Oh, right, this is where you pick on me because you think I’m a helpless female. You WILL give me my money now.
DI: Get your truck out of here.
LIZZY: Only too happy to.

Days Inndian fairly threw my money at me, which I snatched, and snapped, “You are the lowest class person imaginable. Congratulations.”
He was fuming, and so was I but I hopped into my truck and moved down the street to where it was safe and people weren’t the scum of the earth. Then my brave façade crumbled, and yes, I cried. I admit it. I can be one tough girl when I am forced to be, but it stresses me out because it’s really mostly an act that I have perfected out of survival instincts. I angrily fired off a report to Lada about the events, but he is depressed lately and was not there for me. I simply got a “good night” message from him.
Also just after these events, I got a text from Pansy.

PANSY: I kinda miss you.
LIZZY: I gotta sleep. Goodnight.
PANSY: You suck. Goodnight. I love you. Does that scare you?
LIZZY: No, because I know it’s not true.
PANSY: Well, I do. And when you see me, try not to strip me down and take advantage of me right away. At least say hi first.
LIZZY: ??? Are you drunk???
PANSY: I only had a couple beers. I can’t stop thinking about you, though.
LIZZY: Goodnight, Pansy.
PANSY: Goodnight. Sweet dreams.

Who are you, Lada?

Last night Lada and I were supposed to go see a movie and get supper, but he got home from Hamilton too late and had to work from 10pm to 3am. I was disappointed, because I have been enjoying his company more than I expected I would. I’m always prepared for the worst, I guess. He hadn’t been feeling well and was being a little whiny and not being very clear about anything he said, so I finally just told him to be straightforward and tell me what he wanted. He said what he wanted was to come see me, but couldn’t because of work. I told him to just come after work and crawl in bed with me, and he could leave early in the morning for an event he was attending.
Before I go any further, let me just say that this is NOT my usual. The last time a guy slept in my bed (or I slept in a guy’s bed) was 4 years ago. Lada is not fully aware of this but has a pretty good idea I think, because he knows how long I’ve been single and has occasionally brought the subject up over the last three years.
So he came over at 4am, set the alarms, and crawled into bed with me. I was lying on my side and he was on his back for only a minute before turning on his side to face me. He laced his fingers through mine, and put his head on my pillow with his forehead and nose touching mine. I swear he just gets cuter and cuter. I hate it. It’s scaring me. He stayed like that for about half an hour before he kissed me. I smiled and whispered, “Go to sleep.” He chuckled, murmured, “uh, huh”, and kissed me again. I’m not gonna lie, there was a fairly heavy make-out session that followed, but I’m not giving details. It would be too much information. But I clearly told him, just like I have many other times that there would be no sex of any type. He promised not to think I’m a tease and be frustrated, but we’ll see. I fell asleep on his shoulder and a Chihuahua fell asleep on the other. My two Chihuahuas love him.
He kissed me goodbye and left in the morning, promising to text me today even though he is going to an event with his guy friends all day. He is good about that. Always texts first, even when he’s busy. On a side note, the boy looks really hot in his motorcycle gear…. I’m not going to fall in love with just anybody, but I do care about him, and sort of hope things might eventually head somewhere. Either that, or he will ditch me soon, because he knows I don’t do friends with benefits. If I absolutely could not see him in the picture for a while I would not even be bothering. But I’m also really scared of getting hurt. It’s so easy being single…

The Gauntlet

So, I should mention Lada. We have been friends for about 3 years. We met one day while out on our motorcycles, exchanged numbers and have been e-mailing and texting ever since. We have always talked alot. He made no secret of the fact that he thought I was hot and wanted to sleep with me. But that is not my style, and I told him it was not going to happen. About two years into the friendship, I got tired of his male pushiness and the fact that he didn't always seem straightforward and transparent, so I told him the friendship wasn't worth it to me and that I didn't want to talk to him anymore. He begged me not to do it, said he didn't want to be cut out of my life but that if that's what I wanted, he would respect that. In the end, I caved and put him on a six month ban. He was not allowed to talk to me. At one point he e-mailed me to say he missed me, but I did not answer it. For sure guys do not wait like this right? Completely irrational of me. Sure to drive him away. It did not work. Six months passed and I got an e-mail asking if it was ok to talk to me again. I had to honour the deal. We started talking again.We have killed the battery on his cell phone on several occasions we talk so long.He wanted to spend time with me, but one of us was always busy, and I admit it may have been on purpose at times. So finally he cornered me and asked me to come have supper at his place with him and his friends. I went even though I was tense and nervous, and he could see how uncomfortable I was, so he just talked a mile a minute to make up for it. I sat outside with him as he barbecued and we talked. It was relaxing. He is not extremely hot, but is definitely cute, and has an amazing soothing voice I love to listen to. After supper we had a couple minutes to ourselves when no one was in the room. Lada sighed, grabbed my arms, pulled me close and kissed my forehead., which was incredibly sweet. I melted. Later that evening we kissed, and I seriously got butterflies. Pathetic. I'm thinking there is a lot of chemistry there, because the boy shivers when I touch him. It's awesome. We curled up on the couch and watched t.v. and talked and it was just so comfortable I wished I could have stayed like that, with his arms around me and his face buried in my hair. But I'm not sure I can trust myself to behave, so I left even though I know he wanted me to stay. He continued to text me for the next couple hours till I said Goodnight. He said he knew from the first time we talked that I was genuine and something special, and that is why he stuck out the six month ban. I was glad to know that, but I still find him confusing. I don't really know for sure what he wants. Maybe I'm just bad at this.