I Need To Go Back To Work.....Where I Can Relax

It was such a hectic week off, but I am back at work now where I can relax, so I shall bring you up to speed on where things stand with my men.
LADA: Not talking at all. I think this is mutual, and I’m ok with it.
PANSY: Currently being ignored. This is not going to change.
NINJA: I believe he is becoming a bit too emotionally attached very quickly, as he texts multiple times a day and sometimes asks if he can call me as well, and admits to missing me frequently. I kind of don’t blame him as I may have inadvertently kick started this by sleeping at his place three times last week. To all you people reading stuff into this……ONLY sleeping. We have kissed and cuddled, and that is the extent of it. Meanwhile, I have tried to put the brakes on there, as someone unexpected is on the scene. Enter Ryan, previously barely mentioned.
RYAN: Odd as this is, I am struggling right now with how I feel towards Ryan, and here is why. As mentioned in a previous post, we ride together on our motorcycles, weather permitting, but it never left much time for talking as we were merely riding buddies, although I do admit I always make him lead, as the view is better that way. On one of our recent rides, he took me up to Elora Gorge, a huge ravine with a river running through it. We sat at the top, admired the view and talked for an hour and a half, which is more than we had ever talked. I already knew he was a nice guy, but was pleasantly surprised to find myself more comfortable and at ease around him than I’ve been with anyone in a long time. He talks a lot, which is great, but it means we never shut up. Somehow he ended up asking me what I was looking for in a guy, and it wasn’t even hard to answer. I’m for some reason not shy with him at all. I also was pleased that we see eye to eye on almost everything we’ve talked about up to this point, especially our desire to never have children. (I know, we covered practically everything…) So the next few days we kept riding together, until Sunday when Ryan was at the racetrack all day (he races motorcycles as well), and got back a bit late and was too cold and tired to go riding. I figured we’d just skip it, but I got a phone call from him. A bit shy, he said “You know, there’s more to do than just ride bikes. Not that I don’t like riding with you, it’s just I’m saying I would like to take you on a date.” Purely platonic no more…..I said yes. We didn’t do anything extravagant, just went and played pool and talked like crazy. As I said…we never shut up. We laughed and played and made fun of each other. At one point I leaned over the pool table to make a shot and he whistled at me. I blushed, and laughed and couldn’t make the shot, which I think was the whole point. He was pretty amused. It was a great evening. Too great. If I don’t watch it, I could fall for him fast.
I talked to Churfy about it and she said, “He wanted to kiss you. I bet he does.”
“I don’t know about that. We are just friends.”
“Uh huh. When are you seeing him? Tomorrow night again? I will put money on it that he is going to kiss you.”
She was right. Somehow we managed to get on the topic of getting married (!) and he said, “If we ever get married, we are going to elope, get married on a beach and tell our families when we get home.”
I laughed. “Sounds perfect. It’s a deal.”
He went to hug me goodbye and just looked into my eyes for a second, and then he kissed me. (You win, Churfy, what do I owe you?) He hugged me so tight like he didn’t want to let go, and I liked it. Bad me. He didn’t want me to leave, he said. Funny, cause I didn’t want to leave either. But I had to. I told him I would miss his cute self but I would be back soon.
“Good,” he said, “Because we need to start going on real dates. I want to take you out more. Will you go for dinner with me when you come back?”
I tried to stifle a “Hell, yeah!!”, and went with a more subdued “Sure, I'll think about it,” accompanied by a shoulder shrug.
Talk about adding to my confusion though. I’ve never been the type to play men, and I’m not going to start now, but this has all been so sudden and unexpected, and now I don’t know what to do. Churfy delved into the depths of Native American wisdom, (ie…our native friend Kitty), and came up with, “You can’t push a river.”
That about sums it up.

Of California, Pansy, and The Days Inndian

After the run to B.C. at breakneck speed, or more accurately- 100 kph, combined with 13 hours of driving a day equaling over 700 miles a day, I was tired. But there was no time to rest. California was calling, and far be it from me to slow down and breathe, so off I went. It took me a day and a half to run out of hours, so I parked to do a 36 hour break, which resets my available hours to 70. I was in Willows, California, a quiet peaceful little town, where I parked behind a Days Inn in an empty lot, which just happened to be beside a Starbucks. I relaxed, took my dogs for a 2 hour walk, hacked the Days Inn Wireless password and spent entirely too much time online and sleeping. But I needed it. I slept for 11 hours straight. The next day was just as relaxing and exactly the same, except I needed to be up at midnight to get to my delivery on time. It was rather warm out, so I decided to change things up and sleep naked. Bad idea. I had been in bed for about an hour when the manager of the Hotel…..aka the Days (East) Inndian, was banging on my door and yelling at me to get up.

DAYS INNDIAN: Come down from your truck right now!
LIZZY: One minute!
DI: No one minute! NOW!
LIZZY: You are going to HAVE to give me a minute!
DI: No minute! I am calling the police! This is private property!
LIZZY: GIVE ME ONE MINUTE!!!!
DI: Come down from there right now! That’s it! I will call a tow truck!

I struggled angrily into my clothes and got up in the front seat and rolled down the window. I was not a happy camper.

LIZZY: I have been here since yesterday, I am neat and tidy, and quiet. I am not bothering anybody, or getting in the way. What is the problem?
DI: This is private property. You can’t park here.
LIZZY: There were no signs regarding trespassing.
DI: No need for signs. It is the DAYS INN!
LIZZY: Look, I’ve been here since yesterday. I am leaving at midnight. Can’t you just let me stay a few more hours?
DI: No. Leave right now. I am calling the police……unless you give me money.
LIZZY: I’m pretty sure extortion is illegal.
DI: Give me $35 dollars and we’ll call it even.
LIZZY: What???
DI: I call police.

I threw some money at him and he slinked away. But then I thought to myself…. “are you just going to get walked on again? NO!” So I dressed up neatly, put on my bravest face and marched into the office demanding to speak with the Days Inndian.

LIZZY: How dare you treat me the way you did? I am leaving, and I want my money.
DI: No money.
LIZZY: Give me my money.
DI: No
LIZZY: Oh, so this is how they teach you to treat women in India? Like garbage? With zero respect or consideration? Why didn’t you speak to the men who were parked there? Why did you pick on me? Oh wait, I know….because I’m female!!!!
DI: I do not hate women. I am just telling you the rules. And I make the rules. You need to leave.
LIZZY: I will when you give me my money. Or would you prefer I go across the street to that police station and report you for extortion? Cause I’m pretty sure telling someone to give you money to stop you from calling the police is illegal.
DI: It was money for parking.
LIZZY: Interesting, because that’s not what you said. You said to give you money or you call the police. Oh, right, this is where you pick on me because you think I’m a helpless female. You WILL give me my money now.
DI: Get your truck out of here.
LIZZY: Only too happy to.

Days Inndian fairly threw my money at me, which I snatched, and snapped, “You are the lowest class person imaginable. Congratulations.”
He was fuming, and so was I but I hopped into my truck and moved down the street to where it was safe and people weren’t the scum of the earth. Then my brave façade crumbled, and yes, I cried. I admit it. I can be one tough girl when I am forced to be, but it stresses me out because it’s really mostly an act that I have perfected out of survival instincts. I angrily fired off a report to Lada about the events, but he is depressed lately and was not there for me. I simply got a “good night” message from him.
Also just after these events, I got a text from Pansy.

PANSY: I kinda miss you.
LIZZY: I gotta sleep. Goodnight.
PANSY: You suck. Goodnight. I love you. Does that scare you?
LIZZY: No, because I know it’s not true.
PANSY: Well, I do. And when you see me, try not to strip me down and take advantage of me right away. At least say hi first.
LIZZY: ??? Are you drunk???
PANSY: I only had a couple beers. I can’t stop thinking about you, though.
LIZZY: Goodnight, Pansy.
PANSY: Goodnight. Sweet dreams.

Who are you, Lada?

Last night Lada and I were supposed to go see a movie and get supper, but he got home from Hamilton too late and had to work from 10pm to 3am. I was disappointed, because I have been enjoying his company more than I expected I would. I’m always prepared for the worst, I guess. He hadn’t been feeling well and was being a little whiny and not being very clear about anything he said, so I finally just told him to be straightforward and tell me what he wanted. He said what he wanted was to come see me, but couldn’t because of work. I told him to just come after work and crawl in bed with me, and he could leave early in the morning for an event he was attending.
Before I go any further, let me just say that this is NOT my usual. The last time a guy slept in my bed (or I slept in a guy’s bed) was 4 years ago. Lada is not fully aware of this but has a pretty good idea I think, because he knows how long I’ve been single and has occasionally brought the subject up over the last three years.
So he came over at 4am, set the alarms, and crawled into bed with me. I was lying on my side and he was on his back for only a minute before turning on his side to face me. He laced his fingers through mine, and put his head on my pillow with his forehead and nose touching mine. I swear he just gets cuter and cuter. I hate it. It’s scaring me. He stayed like that for about half an hour before he kissed me. I smiled and whispered, “Go to sleep.” He chuckled, murmured, “uh, huh”, and kissed me again. I’m not gonna lie, there was a fairly heavy make-out session that followed, but I’m not giving details. It would be too much information. But I clearly told him, just like I have many other times that there would be no sex of any type. He promised not to think I’m a tease and be frustrated, but we’ll see. I fell asleep on his shoulder and a Chihuahua fell asleep on the other. My two Chihuahuas love him.
He kissed me goodbye and left in the morning, promising to text me today even though he is going to an event with his guy friends all day. He is good about that. Always texts first, even when he’s busy. On a side note, the boy looks really hot in his motorcycle gear…. I’m not going to fall in love with just anybody, but I do care about him, and sort of hope things might eventually head somewhere. Either that, or he will ditch me soon, because he knows I don’t do friends with benefits. If I absolutely could not see him in the picture for a while I would not even be bothering. But I’m also really scared of getting hurt. It’s so easy being single…

The Gauntlet

So, I should mention Lada. We have been friends for about 3 years. We met one day while out on our motorcycles, exchanged numbers and have been e-mailing and texting ever since. We have always talked alot. He made no secret of the fact that he thought I was hot and wanted to sleep with me. But that is not my style, and I told him it was not going to happen. About two years into the friendship, I got tired of his male pushiness and the fact that he didn't always seem straightforward and transparent, so I told him the friendship wasn't worth it to me and that I didn't want to talk to him anymore. He begged me not to do it, said he didn't want to be cut out of my life but that if that's what I wanted, he would respect that. In the end, I caved and put him on a six month ban. He was not allowed to talk to me. At one point he e-mailed me to say he missed me, but I did not answer it. For sure guys do not wait like this right? Completely irrational of me. Sure to drive him away. It did not work. Six months passed and I got an e-mail asking if it was ok to talk to me again. I had to honour the deal. We started talking again.We have killed the battery on his cell phone on several occasions we talk so long.He wanted to spend time with me, but one of us was always busy, and I admit it may have been on purpose at times. So finally he cornered me and asked me to come have supper at his place with him and his friends. I went even though I was tense and nervous, and he could see how uncomfortable I was, so he just talked a mile a minute to make up for it. I sat outside with him as he barbecued and we talked. It was relaxing. He is not extremely hot, but is definitely cute, and has an amazing soothing voice I love to listen to. After supper we had a couple minutes to ourselves when no one was in the room. Lada sighed, grabbed my arms, pulled me close and kissed my forehead., which was incredibly sweet. I melted. Later that evening we kissed, and I seriously got butterflies. Pathetic. I'm thinking there is a lot of chemistry there, because the boy shivers when I touch him. It's awesome. We curled up on the couch and watched t.v. and talked and it was just so comfortable I wished I could have stayed like that, with his arms around me and his face buried in my hair. But I'm not sure I can trust myself to behave, so I left even though I know he wanted me to stay. He continued to text me for the next couple hours till I said Goodnight. He said he knew from the first time we talked that I was genuine and something special, and that is why he stuck out the six month ban. I was glad to know that, but I still find him confusing. I don't really know for sure what he wants. Maybe I'm just bad at this.