Overworked, Overbooked and Loving it.

Things have been very busy lately. I have finished my testing and training to become a driver trainer for my company, and should be getting my first student within a week or so, depending on my schedule and what is convenient for me. As much as I have some reservations about whether or not I will enjoy my new position, I really am looking forward to trying something new and getting a student.
As far as updates on my personal/love life, I ended things with Ryan before they hardly began. It just wasn’t going to work. I told him that I could be friends with him, but a relationship just wouldn’t be possible. There was next to no chemistry, and as mean as this sounds, I don’t want to date a guy that’s less man than I am. Combined with the giant warning flags I previously mentioned, and my tendency to send every man packing within a few months, it just wasn’t going to happen. He was upset, but I let him down as gently as I could, and am now ignoring e-mails asking for further clarification of my reasons for ditching him.
Kristi and I rode down to the motorcycle races in Cayuga one day on the weekend, which was a tiny bit awkward as Ryan was racing, and I spent all my time with Ninja who was also there. He was very happy I came, even though it was not for his sake, and was telling me about his races the previous day, and how he didn’t win. I know he can ride well, so when he said he didn’t know what he was doing wrong, and how to get a bit more speed, I responded with, “Well, maybe you should drive a little faster. Just twist it.” He laughed and said that I make everything sound so much more simple than it really is. I shrugged. “Maybe everything is more simple than people would like to think.”
Ninja won the race that day. By a long shot. So of course like any good friend, I tried to take all the credit, since clearly me telling him to drive faster is why he won.
It has been great having Kristi to ride with as I would way rather ride with her than any of the guys. Because honestly, what guy wants to ride to a nail salon to get his nails done and his eyebrows threaded? She just understands me so much better.
I saw Davey not long ago. I did not run from him as I probably should have. We talk and text every day and have gotten to be quite good friends. He has always been very complimentary and warm towards me so it came as no surprise when he told me he loved me. It just kind of slipped out. He said he wouldn’t apologize because it had just felt natural to say it and he wasn’t going to deny anything. It was over the phone, not in person, so at this point I laid everything out for him, and told him he is likely to get burned if he truly loves me, and was brutally honest about the fact that I seem to go through one guy after another- two or three months in they tell me they love me and I either get cold feet or feel I could never return their feelings so at that point I ditch them fast, in a ‘it was nice knowing you’, kind of way.
He asked if I meant this was goodbye? I said we were treading on thin ice, but I wasn’t quite ready to cut him loose just yet. I told him I was sure it was just an infatuation and that it would pass, and I could give him no encouragement whatsoever. Cruel, I know, but isn’t honesty the best policy? He responded that it really was love and that maybe I was a poor choice if he wished to guard his emotions, but he was prepared to take that chance, and would be there until such a time as I chose to be rid of him. He said I was different from anyone he’s ever known and that I have some kind of unexplainable invisible hold on him. Rash, I thought, but it was his choice. He has since asked if he could be mine, and I have said no, I am claiming nothing. I just have a nagging feeling it would never work, in spite of the fact that I have more chemistry with him than I think I have ever had with anyone and it is all I can do to not sleep with him. For that reason it is probably good that we don’t live closer to each other. When I saw him a couple weeks ago, we spent the night together, although we didn’t sleep at all, and my self control almost deserted me. It just feels so comfortable and good to be in his arms, and he pulls at my heartstrings like no one has in a long time. We were cuddling and making out and he just took my face in his hands, looked into my eyes and said, “We can’t sleep together. I made you a promise, and I intend to keep it.”
The promise he is referring to is from a while ago, when I told him that I only intended to sleep with my boyfriend, if I was in love with him. He said he would not ask me for anything physically and that since he was not my boyfriend, and I was not in love, he would not compromise my standards, morals, or feelings, and therefore would not sleep with me. I didn’t really believe a guy would stick to such a thing, but he has not only stuck to it, he has reminded me not to cross my own lines. Of course, predictably, this only makes me like him more. I think I need to work harder on my Ice Queen routine before I let him in too much. I don’t want to get too involved, as staying cold has always let me keep the upper hand and end things abruptly with no emotional discomfort.
So here I am, on my way home from Iowa, with a boy’s heart in my incapable hands once again, a family birthday party to attend and Churfy on crutches after a horse accident left her with amnesia, a concussion and a fractured foot. She is returning from Alberta next weekend, at which time I will be picking her up from the airport, babying her and spoiling her rotten.
The remainder of this weekend I will be spending with Davey in Detroit, and hopefully riding my motorcycle.